me: I'm so full omg I'm not gonna eat for days
me: are those brownies

dieindries:

dont let a white girl in uggs tell you shit

(via hotboyproblems)

sollux:

my lifes goal is to find a way to live off of fast food without getting fat or sick

(Source: manaphy, via hotboyproblems)

doncastrate:

there’s no “we” in food get the fuck away from me

(via hotboyproblems)

mom: wake up
me: *maybe if I pretend i'm dead she'll go away*

milfoftheyear:

when you see a shoe in the middle of the road and you wonder what is its story

(via fake-mermaid)

samischino:

frapputwinko:

I hate when people cry in front of me like should I pat their head, should I grab their ass I don’t fucking know

(Source: sfux, via fake-mermaid)

yesimbeyonce:

If you can’t handle me at my Lindsay Lohan then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my Beyoncé

(via fake-mermaid)